


I'm Dying to See You, or At Least Someone Is

by aphrodoubte



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: FAHC, M/M, Multi, Murder, uhhhh like loose adaption of the FAHC?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-18
Updated: 2019-02-01
Packaged: 2019-10-12 04:52:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,847
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17460965
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aphrodoubte/pseuds/aphrodoubte
Summary: “It was an accident.” He told himself. “A terrible, thrilling, horrible accident.” That wouldn’t get him very far in court. Gavin tried to take a deep breath that came in too shallow, shaking along with his hands. “It was my first time with a gun, I swear I didn’t know it was loaded.” He stared at Geoff’s body, he felt sick.A serial killer falls in love with a grim reaper.





	1. Chapter 1

“ _It was an accident._ ” He told himself. “ _A terrible, thrilling, horrible accident._ ” That wouldn’t get him very far in court. Gavin tried to take a deep breath that came in too shallow, shaking along with his hands. “ _It was my first time with a gun, I swear I didn’t know it was loaded._ ” He stared at Geoff’s body, he felt sick. Geoff had that insisted if Gavin was going to be part of the underground he needed to learn how to work a gun. They were just messing around when Gavin accidentally pulled the trigger;he never was cautious enough. The shot pierced Geoff’s lung, it would’ve been a great shot if it was intentional. Gavin wanted to call for help, a friend, anything. With all the connections Geoff had, surely there was a doctor he could call. Geoff told him he’d only end up persecuting himself, and that it was too late;if anyone asked Gavin was to claim it was a deal gone wrong, pin it on whoever was in debt. He sobbed as his best friend bled out in front of him, Geoff always would do anything to protect him.

Gavin slumped into Geoff’s armchair, trying to steady himself, trying to think of some solution, as if there’s anyway to fix a dead body. A million plausible but seemingly fake explanations ran through Gavin’s head; he squeezed his eyes shut as another wave of nausea washed over him. He should’ve ignored Geoff’s words of caution the way he always did, should’ve called an ambulance rather than try to save his own skin. He knew that wasn’t what Geoff would’ve wanted, too many legal questions, it’d put to many other people at risk; everyone in the crew knew the risks they were taking.

“Tsk,tsk,tsk.” A voice commented. The crisp syllables cutting through the silence that hung in the air. “What happened here?” The voice felt like it was filling Gavin’s head, coming from his own imagination rather than the room around him. It sounded more amused, rather than the accusatory tone he had been expecting. Gavin spun around in search of the voice, a half formed explanation in his mouth. “And this gaunt fellow, why you’d think he killed someone.” The voice gave a courtesy laugh to its own joke, clearly taunting Gavin with a gaudy ring to it. The voice had expanded now, he could tell it was coming from behind him, yet somehow it still didn’t feel real.  He turned around, dull hazel eyes meeting much sharper blue ones. A man, half a foot taller and who looked at least five years older, faced Gavin; his posture suggested he was standing, but his feet didn't touch the ground. He was built much wider than Gavin and stood much firmer for several reasons, not the least of which was Gavin’s recent, and first, murder.

The stranger circled Gavin, eyeing him like a specimen. A chill ran up the spine of Gavin’s back, and he stood a little straighter, trying not to shrink under his gaze. The man stopped abruptly. “Can you hear me?” He squinted with a look of doubt, but waited for a response nonetheless. Gavin too panicked to speak, nodded dumbly. The man moved a single finger back and forth in front of Gavin’s face, watching perplexed as his eyes followed it. “And you can see me?” The man spoke slowly with a curious lilt to his words and again, Gavin nodded dumbly. He stood motionless as the man allowed himself to drop the short distance he had been hovering. His hands ran anxiously through his hair as he fumbled over his words. “That’s the second time this year! Is it me? I don't get it. Do you- well you don’t look like you get much of anything.” He paced briskly back and forth, if Gavin were more collected, he might’ve noticed the man’s footsteps made no noise.

“Hey!” Gavin collected himself enough to form a rebuttal, but lost whatever curt reply he had formed when the man snapped his head towards him. “Who are you? What is…” Gavin gestured vaguely at the man’s entirety, who seemed slightly comforted by his confusion.

“Who, what, how?” The man offered, finishing for Gavin who nodded and crossed his arms, trying to hide his fear behind outrage. Yet the clear shaking of his breath, the way his hands gripped his own arms a little too tight betrayed him. “Who, Ryan.” He winked at Gavin, slowly circling him again, walking this time. His confidence suggested he had done this before, or it was a routine he was clearly hoping to have a chance to show off. “What, a reaper.” He mimed a swinging motion that Gavin assumed was meant to be a scythe and likely not a baseball bat. “How?” Ryan began to hover again as he pretended to think for a moment. “I guess that could be summed up under other worldly powers.” The words, and Ryan, hung in the air as Gavin processed the information.

“No.” He answered. This was absurd, there was no way he committed his first murder, with his best friend as a the victim, and then suddenly possessed the ability to see literal beings of death; Gavin was maybe a bit gullible, but even he could suspect when he was being tricked.

Ryan laughed. “No? He stopped hovering.

“No.” Gavin answered again. “This isn’t happening, and you’re not real and I’m not doing this.” If he had anywhere to go, and if Geoff’s corpse wasn’t only feet away, he would’ve stormed off.  Ryan shrugged it off with a laugh.

“Denial _is_ the first stage of grieving.” He offered pointedly, gesturing to Geoff’s body which Gavin stepped in front of protectively.

“I’m not grieving.” He argued, he could feel tears prickling at the corner of his eyes and tried desperately to hold them back.  Ryan cocked an eyebrow, looking between Gavin and Geoff’s corpse, clearly not convinced. Gavin wilted, “Okay, well I am but, that isn’t what this is.”.  Ryan sighed, entertained but simultaneously losing patience.

“ _This_ isn’t anything,” He said gesturing between the two of them”  “ _this_ however is my job and whether you believe me or not isn’t really my problem.” He continued as he moved towards Geoff’s corpse. Gavin stepped forward to push Ryan away, and he jumped back into a hover. “Hey! Woah kid! I get it, death can make people handsy but this consequence is like, the opposite of a baby.” He chuckled nervously, but his expression only conveyed annoyance.

Gavin sputtered, trying to direct his response. “I’m not, is that a threat?” This time he noted how Ryan’s feet made no sound as they hit the floor.

“I’m just telling you how it is, I _am_ death and henceforth, deadly.” Ryan gave a small curtsy as Gavin pulled his hands into his chest.

“You didn’t tell me that.” Ryan shrugged walking back to Geoff’s corpse, past Gavin, who this time made no effort to stop him.

“It’s not like you would’ve believed me if I had.” And although Gavin still wasn’t quite sure if he did, he pushed past it to focus on Geoff.  

“What are you doing?” Gavin asked, anxiously peering over Ryan’s shoulder as he craned his neck to look at Geoff.

“My job.” Ryan answered, taking on a much more serious tone compared to his previous banter.

Gavin wanted to protest, but the more he interacted with Ryan, the more he watched how he moved, the less convinced he was that the other man _wasn’t_ something other wordly. Ryan pulled out a satchel of powder, gently patting two fingers into it.

“And that is?” Gavin eyed the powder warily, suppressing the urge to push Ryan away from his friend.

“Taking his soul, what did you think reapers do?” Gavin reached for the gun on the ground, remembering this was a strange man, with stranger substances he was allowing to desecrate his late partner. If Ryan was just some creep with special effects then it was self defense, and if he wasn’t human this would be good proof.

“Wouldn’t know, never met one.” He murmured softly, walking carefully to aim at him. Ryan chuckled, but didn’t look up from Geoff’s body as he fiddled with a glass bottle hanging from his belt.

“You know shooting me won’t work right? I’m surprised you’re already comfortable with a gun again though.” Gavin stopped abruptly at Ryan’s comment surprised that he had noticed him at all; regardless he aimed at Ryan’s shoulder and shot.

The bullet passed through him, with a slight ripple around where it should’ve hit as it struck the floor beneath him. “I told you” Ryan spoke softly as he pressed two fingers lightly coated in powder to Geoff’s lips. Gavin watched with equal parts intrigue and horror as he dragged out a long trail of magenta smoke, guiding it as it twisted and curled in intricate ways.

“What is that?” Gavin asked, fascinated by the smoke, which had an oddly calming effect, suddenly there was no room in his heart for reproach.

“His soul. His memories. It’s who he is.” Ryan’s brow creased in concentration as he continued to guide the smoke with one hand and uncork the glass bottle on his belt with the other. Gavin watched as Geoff’s life passed by in wisps. In the minute Gavin stood there he watched years flow past him. Geoff’s marriage, divorce, his time in the underground;he saw the first time he and Geoff had met.

They had both been at a boarding school; Gavin for his remarkable grades, and Geoff for his remarkable disobedience. Gavin always had a penchant for trouble, but Geoff had refined it. Soon it wasn’t about the attention he garnered for it, it was for the thrill, the true joy he found in mayhem. The two were terrors, a fact that didn’t change as they aged, as they made it into a career. Hot tears flooded Gavin’s eyes as he recalled it, and realized these memories would be the last time he’d see Geoff alive. The smoke curled and pooled into the bottle hanging on Ryan’s hip as he corked it. Ryan stood and waited in silence, unsure of how to comfort someone, or if he was even capable of it.

“Will you take it?” Gavin asked, in a quiet and shocked tone.

“The soul?” Ryan rubbed at his neck, trying not to make eye contact. “I have to.”

“The body.” Gavin choked out, sinking to his knees. He was sure if Geoff were alive he would’ve reprimanded him for taking a cowards way out, but he couldn’t look at his friends, look at people who treasured Geoff, and lie about the crime he’d committed.  He felt sick, and looked pale as ice and pitiful in every way.

“I, oh Gavin, I-I can’t” Gavin looked up suddenly, meeting Ryan’s eyes with his own red rimmed ones. Ryan was used to misery, it was a part of the job, but seeing someone so helpless look directly at him shook some cold part of him.

“I never told you my name.” Gavin continued numbly, like stopping for too long on any one thought would pull him straight to ruin. Ryan began to let out an empty laugh, but stopped when Gavin only continued to stare at him, heartbroken.

“I...Sorry.” He looked away briefly and let out a heavy sigh. “Anyway, I took a quick peek through Geoff’s memories, I’ve got your basic information.” Gavin glared at him, huffing with no real heart in the anger. “So you have no problem taking those.” Ryan sighed, rubbing at his temples, the way Gavin was cycling through emotions was almost comical, like a child during a tantrum. “Don’t you guys usually like to, I don’t know, do things with these?” Gavin laughed for the first time, cracking a smile.

“Did you just refer to the entire human race as, _you guys?”_

Ryan jerked his chin up, feigning indignation. “I might’ve yes.”

Gavin's brief moment of humour faded “Usually, yes...but it’d be easier if Geoff went, missing…” He let out a shaky breath “and if I had plausible deniability of his whereabouts”

Ryan ran a hand through his hair, Ryan looked in between the body and Gavin, cursing himself. “You have no idea how many rules I’m probably breaking.” An anxious laugh bubbled out of Gavin. “You shot me I shouldn’t even be talking to you, you shouldn’t be able to see me and I’m amazed how quickly humans will bypass their own disbelief of something for when it's convenient-”

Gavin cut him of  “Thank you.” For a moment, there was a genuine warmth to his words. “Oh wait!” He scrambled over to Geoff’s corpse with a sudden urgency yet still pausing to stare at it, and hesitating to touch it. He reached over, gingerly pulling off Geoff’s dog tags and placing them around his own neck, gripping them tightly and holding them close.

“If it’s any consolation, he wasn’t angry.” Ryan offered gently, but Gavin offered only a hollow laugh.

“Oh good, no vengeful spirits.” Ryan was pulling out a simple leather gloves, with an iridescent subtle shimmer to them.

“Yeah those aren’t a thing. Spirits would have to have souls.” He gave the bottle of smoke a light pat. “And we have the souls.”

Gavin stepped away from Geoff’s body, giving Ryan room to take it. He pushed back the dozen of question he wanted to ask to simply address the gloves Ryan had pulled out. “I didn’t realize reapers worried about germs”

Ryan pulled them on and lifted one of Geoff’s arm, admiring the tattoos on it for a moment. “What are you talking about?”

“The gloves.” Gavin gestured to Ryan’s hands. Ryan chuckled cocking an eyebrow.

“What? These aren’t for germs.” Holding Geoff’s arm with one hand, he pulled the gloves off his hand with his teeth. “They’re so I can interact with the physical world.” Ryan pushed his hand into Geoff’s arm , it passed through effortlessly. Gavin chewed at his lip mindlessly.

“So that’s why your footsteps don’t make any noise. And why the bullet...” Ryan dropped Geoff’s arm to put his other glove back on.

“Precisely, but it’s probably best if you don’t dwell on it, or really any of this for too long. Now if I may..” Ryan lifted Geoff’s body, slinging one of the arms over his shoulders and it supporting it at the waist. “If you need me” He laughed, eyeing Geoff’s body. “You know how to contact me.” Gavin blinked and Ryan was gone, and while Gavin would never imagine deliberately doing something heinous for the sake of seeing Ryan, a few terrible thoughts did crop up with the hopes of running into the curious reaper again.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story is largely for me to practice writing so it might not be all romance/action all the time like most fanfics but! Hang in there I promise there will be more action!

Ryan blinked and he was at the reaping center. A large pristine building, made of marble walls, ceilings, and floors, and filled with people of various dress. Some reapers chose to dress more formally out of respect for the dead, others wore a large black cloak given to them on their first jobs, many, like Ryan, just wore casual clothes, floating around aimlessly. Ryan strolled over to the counter where he deposited souls. The sorting reaper, who handled and processed the souls, was Matt who he was quite familiar. Matt glanced over Ryan, eyeing Geoff’s body. “I see you brought a friend.” 

Ryan cracked a smile, he knew Matt would appreciate this. “He’s a new recruit. Very lively.” Ryan heaved Geoff’s corpse onto the high counter “Mind training him? You’re so much more sociable.”

Matt shook his head,  slight smile posed on his lips as he scrolled through the database in his computer for the number of the disposal department. While it was by no means commonplace, or smiled upon, for reapers to pick up corpses, Ryan certainly wasn’t the first. He wondered if he could make up a convincing lie to cover up his recent interaction with human who was apparently oddly precocious in seeing beings of death. It wasn’t unheard of for someone with a near death experience to see a reaper, or elders who had made their peace; however Ryan had been around a good deal of murders, and save for all but one other, no one had been able to see him.

“Where’d you pick this fellow up?” Matt asked, clearly curious, but not accusing Ryan of anything. He chuckled nervously. 

“About that, think you could report something for me?” Matt held up a hand, pausing Ryan, who waited patiently. 

“Pickup, North America, Sector 8, Austin, Texas. Yeah, thanks.” Matt hung up and a moment later a reaper in black formal with a red tie, and black leather gloves with a gold shimmer in the light strolled in, taking the body. The disposal department was the only department that all dressed uniform; until now they had only been called in for when a reaper accidentally touches a human. Matt nodded in thanks and the reaper promptly left. 

“So what’s the report?” Matt asked, scrolling to locate the number for the reaper headquarters.

“I’d like to put in a formal request to, decorate?” Matt stopped typing, Ryan didn’t blame him, even he found it creepy that some reapers chose to decorate their living quarters with human corpses. 

“You’re kidding.” Matt deadpanned.

Ryan smiled wryly “Of course!”  Yeah no, he couldn’t actually go through with that, better to draw as little attention to this as possible; while Ryan did have a bit of reputation for being unsettling, even among reapers, he tried not to give reason for it.

Matt rubbed at his temples. “Jesus Ryan I thought you had gone full on freaky on me for a minute there” 

Ryan shook his head, trying to put on some form of a relaxed smile. “Me? Freaky? Matthew you’re breaking my heart.” Matt scrolled through several entries in the reaper database.

“Let me guess, you weren’t paying attention and bumped into some poor unassuming human.” 

Ryan shrugged “Listen I’m a big guy and some places are really just bustling.”

“Right, right. Maybe HR will start seriously pursuing that ‘mortality dust’ they mentioned decades ago if you have enough accidents.” 

Ryan sighed, mostly content. “Thanks Matt, but you know if I didn’t pride myself on being such a competent reaper, that might be motivation or something.” Ryan shot Matt a wink, and with a snap he was gone.

He sunk into the bed in his room, no bigger than a college dorm, although reapers really didn’t require more space then a broom closet. In the early days reapers worked around the clock, what with such high mortality rates and so few reapers they had so. Slowly over the years though the reapers increased and number, and learned to mirror society; they had bedrooms solely for the sake of comfort, enough downtime to form real relationships and really enjoy feeding on the memories they collected. There were small t.v’s in every reapers room, made for viewing humans.

Ryan tried to ignore the gnawing curiosity to check on Gavin, to watch what he would do and scan for an abnormalities in his life in hopes of discovering why he could see Ryan. He fought the urge, reminding himself how many reapers had become obsessed with the human race, or more specifically one human, and lost their job (and subsequently their existence) due to it. With any luck Gavin would convince himself their interaction had never happened, though that hadn’t been the case with the other abnormality he discovered, he hoped if he put as much possible distance between himself and them, he could avoid being discovered, and what would be the following investigation. 

While Gavin was understandably shaken by death, even squeamish to the point of gagging at grotesque horror movies, the other had an odd indifference to it. At his first murder, he held a blank expression, even as Ryan showed up, it wasn’t until Ryan began his work that there was any life in his eyes at all. Ryan quickly realized that all his subsequent murders, weren’t out of anger, or for his own pleasure,  _ they were to see Ryan _ . More peculiar was that Ryan was the only reaper he could see, a fact he discovered when he requested another reaper recover his recent victim; the other reaper, Jeremy was mildly annoyed, not finding any reason for Ryan’s request, but to him it was priceless information.

As Ryan stared blankly at the ceiling, he debated confessing to Jeremy his recent experiences. It wasn’t as if the other man was exactly a stickler for rules, and certainly not one to run to HR or expose Ryan. Jeremy also possessed a certain predisposition for handling such situations, if Ryan was lucky he might have some insight, or even better, a solution. He ran a rough hand through his hair, pushing himself up off the bed. He pulled out an oddly generic smartphone, like it wasn’t from any company and was created from the general idea of a smartphone, which it was. He pulled up Jeremy’s contact and sent a quick message, asking him to come to Ryan’s room for an “important discussion”.

In seconds Jeremy was draped dramatically against the door frame, in a gaudy orange and purple outfit and comically large cowboy hat; Jeremy was neither traditional, nor conventional. 

“A booty call? Among reapers? Why Ryan the scandal, how shameful.” He batted long lashes comedically at Ryan, who let out a genuine chuckle at the man’s absurdity.

“You’ve caught me dear Mr.Dooley, I’ve been concealing my smoldering passion for you over these decades of work, I cannot bear to hide my feelings any longer!” Ryan spoke with the energy of a high school theater lead, and Jeremy beamed him an amused smile.

“But in all seriousness,” Ryan continued. “I have a rather pressing and  _ confidential _ issue to discuss with you.” He hissed the emphasis on the word ‘confidential’ and Jeremy stood a little straighter at the shift in tone.

“Ryan please, you know I’m not a snitch.” He adjusted his large cowboy hat. “What’s the matter, I’ve never seen you so  _ grim _ .” He chuckled dryly at his own joke, and Ryan offered a polite smile.

“I’ve encountered two humans who are able to see me.” He stated plainly, and watched as Jeremy’s expression furrowed in confusion.

“Ryan, that isn’t possible. Are you sure it wasn’t a coincidence?” Jeremy offered gently, briefly wondering if reapers can go insane.

Ryan shook his head and pursued his lips “No I’m sure, there were no other  _ living  _ people when I met them both; I think one has even become, obsessed with me.”

“Did you talk to them?” Jeremy prodded, mostly already knowing the answer.

Ryan diverted his eyes, rubbing nervously at the back of his neck. “I might’ve exchanged a few words with them.” He dropped his voice a little. “I may have taken a corpse for one of them.”

Jeremy put both hands on top of his head, bending over and groaning. “Ryan! Why! Why would you do that?”

“I know, I know, but he looked so sad and I’m just really not great at dealing with people like that-” 

Jeremy cut him off. “You shouldn’t be dealing with people at all! You should’ve just ignored them!”

“I was curious!” Ryan argued, despite knowing Jeremy was right.

“Is that why you asked me to pick up a corpse for you?” Jeremy asked, suddenly connecting dots Ryan had hoped to brush over. “Was that guys murderer one of the guys who can see you?”

Ryan could only offer an awkward smile, and again Jeremy groaned. He paced back and forth in Ryan’s small room; one hand on his hip and the other gently stroking his chin. 

“I don’t know Ryan…” He murmured. “I think it’s just better to leave it alone, if they see you ignore them, it’s not like you’ll have any consequences besides more work.”

Ryan nodded, but a part of him knew he couldn’t do that, couldn’t leave anything so curious unanswered. He had called Jeremy for a sensible answer, but hadn’t really expected him to present one.

“But what’s causing it?” Ryan pressed, shaking his hands at  Jeremy. “Are they close to death? They’re both pretty young, I’ve never heard of someone in their twenties with no near death experiences seeing a reaper.”

“I’ve never heard of a reaper talking to a human.” Jeremy replied pointedly. “We don’t need to know everything Ryan, we don’t even know a human’s lifespan. Chalk it up to an unfortunate abnormality, and  _ leave it alone _ .” He stressed the last 3 words.

Ryan nodded. “Right, of course, you’re totally right.” His phone flashed with an alert for soul collection. Section 8, Austin Texas, that was familiar. He gave a nod to Jeremy. “If you’ll excuse me.”

He heard Jeremy warning him again just before he disappeared. “I’m serious Ryan! No more hook ups with humans!”

He showed up to a grotesque scene in an alleyway.


	3. Chapter 3

Following Geoff’s “disappearance” no one questioned Gavin when he didn’t leave his apartment for a few days, or pick up his phone, or eat or sleep. He was going crazy, running through his interaction with ‘Ryan the Reaper’ over and over again. He went back and forth between deciding Ryan was a hallucination, for the sake of his own sanity, and knowing in his gut that the meeting was very real. “ _ This is ridiculous”  _ Gavin told himself. “ _ I’m not a conspiracy theorist, I’m a scientist there has to be a logical way to approach this.” _ He ran over all he knew about Ryan in his head, which admittedly wasn’t very much. 

He was a reaper, but the way he spoke, he certainly wasn’t the only one;yet Gavin had never seen any others, was there something special, unique about Ryan? If he were to, conveniently end up, near another corpse would he see him again? Unlikely, although Gavin had never killed someone himself, being in the crew presented him with no shortage of dead bodies, squeamish as he was though the others never made him do that dirty work. His job consisted of cooking up the more high end drugs and charming some of the more reluctant buyers.

Gavin was trying to force his mind away from the answer he, deep down, already knew. If he was going to see Ryan again, he’d have to kill someone himself. He shook his head, trying to clear the very notion from his mind, Geoff was an accident and Gavin was looking to make anyone  _ intentional _ . However, if he was being honest, did he have a choice? He hadn’t slept  or eaten in days, whether that was due to killing Geoff or not truly understanding Ryan though, he couldn't say. Besides, when he really thought about it, hadn’t he already indirectly killed dozens of people, wasn’t it really just a part of the job he’d been neglecting? A nervous laugh bubbled out of his throat, actually, hadn’t he been very selfish? Forcing that kind of work on all of his friends, his dear crew members, why Geoff was right to force him to learn how to shoot. He knew exactly who to talk to.

 

Michael arrived to Gavin’s apartment a rough half hour later, looking Gavin up and down when he walked in. “Jesus Gav, you look like shit.”

“Good to see you too boy.” He knew Michael was right, hell he could hear it in his voice; he sounded, and look, exhausted maybe even a little unhinged.

“When was the last time you slept?” Michael muttered, stepping closer to run a thumb along the bags under Gavin’s eyes. Michael wasn’t the picture of well rested either, although maybe that was partly Gavin’s fault with his sudden drop off the grid, but even with all the extra work he must’ve been taking on he still looked better then Gavin. 

“Well boy,” Gavin started, trying to force some life into his words. “I’ve been up the past few days trying to make a very important decision.” It didn’t shock him to see Michael stare at him with a rather disinterested expression, the two usually had very different ideas of what important was. “I think I should start doing some of the brute work for the crew.”

Michael arched his eyebrows a bit. “You’re serious, you’re gonna beat someone up?”

Gavin laughed, trying to ease away the tension in his shoulders. “Yeah, like I’d ever be able to beat up any of the thugs who cross up with my twig frame. Of course not, but with a gun or something.”

Michael shook his head. “You know we don’t kill with regular guns, there’s gotta be some kind of signature, and you’re the golden boy. Any thug would recognize you a mile away.”

“I could wear a mask.” He offered, but Michael still looked unconvinced. “I just figure, Geoff used to take care of so much I should start doing a little more-”

“Gav if this is about Geoff-” Michael’s face softened a little. “He’ll be back, it’s only been a few days and no body turned up, you really don’t have to-”

“Michael please.” Gavin injected maybe a little too harshly. He took a deep breath, and tried to offer a soft smile. “I’ve thought about it a lot and, even if,” He swallowed, giving himself a moment before “correcting” it. “Even  _ when  _ Geoff comes back I want to be of more use.”

Michael shook his head, sighing and running a hand through his hair. “Fuck…” He shrugged in a clumsy motion. “I guess, I’ll talk to Jack we’ll, _ I’ll  _ convince him to test run you. What’s your signature going to be?”

Gavin relaxed a little, but broke eye contact. “I hadn’t really come up with it yet.”

Michael rolled his head back and forth, stretching his neck as he thought it over. “I use an old fashioned sword, Jack uses poison, Lindsay uses needles...maybe something blunt?”

“Blunt?” Gavin squeaked out. Hearing it from Gavin seem to make something click in Michael’s head.

“Yeah...yeah like a sledge hammer you know? A big one, what a statement.”

Gavin laughed nervously, paling a little at the thought of the carnage from such a tool. “You’re the expert boy, a nice golden sledge hammer.”

Catching the waver in Gavin’s tone, Michael stared at him for a little too long. “Anyway if you fuck it up that’s it. Jack and his crew are good at their jobs but god knows they don’t need more fucking work.”

Gavin nodded, knowing that despite his harsh tone, Michael was only looking out for him and the crew. “Of course Micoo, this might be my first murder but I am a professional.” The flat out use of murder surprised himself a little bit, he always sort of danced around the term. Maybe spending the last, at least week he had sort of lost track of time, obsessing over his interaction with it had dulled the blow. Maybe, subconsciously, he had already come to terms with it, or he would’ve been more hesitant to take his new job. 

He couldn’t help himself, Ryan was unforgettable, some part of Gavin craved to see him again, itched to hear his voice, his skin burned at thought of what his touch would feel like. Just the images cleared any doubt from Gavin’s mind, Ryan had to be real, if nothing else for the sake of Gavin’s own sanity. It eased the idea of having to kill someone, knowing he’d be rewarded with sweet, although likely scolding voice.

“I can handle this.” Gavin reassured both himself, and Michael, who’s expression was still laced with doubt. 

A few days later on of the crew’s many lackeys dropped off Gavin’s gilded sledge hammer and Jack, after ample questioning and offers for Gavin to drop out, texted him his target. He held the sledge hammer, painted gold from top to bottom, weighing it in his hands. It felt so heavy in hands, he pushed down the anxiety that was starting to rise into his throat. This was to see Ryan, to get answers, to see _ Ryan.  _ That was all the reason he needed. He changed into simple clothes, he didn’t want to stand out obviously, just a pair of dark blue jeans and an old graphic tee of some video game company from forever ago ‘Roosterteeth’ nothing that would stand out.

Gavin had never been obsessed with all the gruesome things in life, it was a wonder he wound up with the crew at all. He was young and way too cocky when he joined, so when Geoff pitched it, and looked so sure Gavin was going to say no, how could he do anything but agree. Geoff always assured him he was never really getting his hands dirty, and maybe he was obsessed with the drama of it all; of an underground gang which he was the prized pet of, the precocious polished boy. Well so much for never getting dirty.

Gavin stood right near the back entrance of one of the many clubs in Austin, he didn’t know the name of the target, didn’t want to, but he knew what he looked like and what he’d be wearing. Jack had started him on someone easy, relatively low profile, killing him would be more of a warning to his boss then anything. Gavin tried to focus on the bad, the guy was a sleeve, slept around with too young girls, spit on anyone without money; in the crew they all were criminals, but at least they were decent.

When his target stumbled out of the back door, clearly drunk, Gavin’s whole body seized up for a moment, he couldn’t breath and all he could he was his own heart beat thumping in his ears. He wanted to drop the hammer, turn and run, run back to whoever he was before he saw Ryan. “ _ Ryan.” _ As soon as he thought of the man, a wave of calm, of confidence washed over him. This was to see Ryan, to be with Ryan, learn about Ryan. He closed his eyes and swung.

The hammer connected, heavy in his hands, and certainly heavier against the man’s skull as Gavin hear a sickening crack. Gavin opened his eyes and saw what was left of the man’s face, his eyes staring at Gavin as the life drained out of them; it look straight out of a horror movie. Gavin pulled the sledge hammer away, watching the man slump to the ground, the blood pooling out of him. The confidence Gavin had felt faded, fear and panic rising in his stomach, and although Gavin wouldn’t admit it, excitement. There was something satisfying, exhilarating about knowing that despite his almost scrawny figure, his predisposition to nausea, he had true power. He buckled over, throwing up in the already disgusting alley, he mentally apologized to the forensic team. 

“ _ Jesus Gavin.” _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This upd8s every friday btw. Also i dont know how to get rid of the "Is this a good length" note pls ignore it

**Author's Note:**

> Is this a good chapter length? Uhhh if people like this I'll post more.


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